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I really don’t know how to say this any other way. My dog decided to talk to me the other night and he had a lot to say.
It initially played like any other night really. Once again, I was tossing and turning, in and out of sleep. I was half awake, mulling over my job situation: I want to make money writing but I need an income more. Then the most bizarre thing happened.
“Hey human Bob! This is your best friend speaking! Wake up!”
Who the hell was that? It was a deep, low voice; strong and certain with a hint of a bourbon induced slur. Sounded like Dean Martin actually. I immediately sat up. It was pitch black. The radio clock blurred 3:53 in a dull crimson light. All I could make out was the shadowy outline of Parker, my trusty beagle, sitting upright at my feet.
“Hey boy, did you hear that?” I whispered instinctively. “Someone’s in the house.”
My vision was starting to warm up to the darkness. Parker just stared back at me, his head tilted, his long ears hanging to the side of his head like hand towels on a wall. He turned his head to the bedroom doorway, lifted his nose to the night and sniffed. He turned back to face me.
“Don’t think so.”
I swore Parker spoke but it couldn’t be. I mean his hound drawn lips seemed to move to the words I heard but that was impossible.
“Who’s there?” I yelled into the night. “Whoever it is, I am warning you that I am at this moment retrieving my loaded double-barrel twelve gauge from under the bed. I will shoot you. So leave now and I want to hear the door slam behind you.”
I made some dumb noises in a lame attempt to fool the intruder into believing what I had just proclaimed. I took the ruse to the next level.
“Okay. I’m fully armed and about to call 911 from my fully powered cell phone. Oh yeah, strong signal, four bars. Oh yeah, this is going to be a very clear 911 call.”
“You’re breaking me up. Put the phone down human Bob.”
It was Parker talking. I was certain of it. Nah, it had to be a sick trick.
“Okay, good one Steve. You wired up the dog with a little speaker. Very funny.”
My brother Steve was known to go to great lengths to pull off pranks. But I was pretty sure he was at his apartment in the city, sixty miles away, God knows doing what, and at 48 years old, unlikely to suddenly bother me with a prank—it had been 25 years since his last one. But the mind scrambles to the most implausible scenarios when so duly challenged.
“Don’t think so. Nope it’s me, Parker,” the dog mumbled.
I was positive he spoke again. By now I was sitting straight up, leaning towards him. He just sat there and looked at me with those big dark eyes. His poker face was on.
“Parker? Are you talking to me?”
“Well I’m not talking to myself.”
I leaned back against the headboard. He yawned.
“This can’t be. I’ve got to stop watching Animal Planet.”
“Listen, I’ve got something to say and I’m not sure how long this talking stuff is going to work so …”
“You are talking!” I interrupted incredulously.
“Should you want I bow wow?”
“Holy cow! Parker you are talking.”
“Yup. But I’m not sure for how long. So can I say a few things before …”
“I can’t believe this.”
“Yeah I know. Either can I but if you don’t mind.”
I looked at him with a giant smile plastered across my face. Parker can talk. The dog was talking. Who was I kidding? It had to be a prank. He continued.
“I’ve been listening to a lot of that talk radio and that C-SPAN channel you watch while you write. I’m here to tell ya I don’t like what I’m hearing.”
“You’re kidding me right?”
“Afraid not.”
Oh this was good. I was really hallucinating. Talk-shmalk, I had a few nagging questions of my own.
“Hey, can I ask you something before you get to your stuff?”
“Make it quick. I haven’t got all night.”
“You like smell things a hundred times more than we do, right?”
“Four hundred.”
“Okay, four hundred. Wow! Then I really wonder about this.”
“Yeah I know. Why do we like to sniff every morsel of excrement or yellow patch of urine we encounter on our walks?”
“Now that you bring it up, yeah, why? It must smell like the inside of Dick Cheney’s or Ted Kennedy’s septic tank? And you know how much crap they’re filled with.”
“That was a funny one human Bob. But it isn’t like what you smell. We pick up a lot more notes. It’s a broader pallet if you will. We don’t smell stink. We smell identity, mood, and illness. For instance, you know that crazy cairn terrier down the street?”
“Yeah.”
“She has stomach cancer and her humans don’t have a clue.”
“You are kidding me?”
“She probably has less than six months if they don’t get her to a vet soon.” He paused to lick his right front paw. “Yeah, and another thing. Don’t take me out at nights for awhile.”
“Why?”
“Cause there is a rabid possum living under the porch. That’s why.”
“You know this from the smell of possum poop?”
“Excrement.”
“Whatever.”
“Yup.” Parker yawned as if bored. “So is that it? Can I say what I need to say?”
“Well there is that thing you do with that licking your, you know, your …”
“Penis?”
“Well, yeah.”
“Jealous are we?”
“Well, it’s just that …”
“It’s all about keeping clean. Nothing pleasurable if that’s what you’re driving at. Nothing like what you do with your hand. By the way, I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t pet me afterwards. Nope, no pleasure; it’s all business. You made sure of that when you had me “fixed”, remember. Thank you very much.”
“Oh yeah, sorry about that. I had no idea you knew any different.”
“No idea my butt. I’ll ‘no idea’ ya.” He paused again to lick his right paw again and then continued. “But I don’t hold it against you. We don’t hold grudges. Heck, if we did, we would have mauled most humans dead by now. Which brings me to why I am talking to you.”
“No grudges. Really? I mean that “fixing” stuff is pretty serious. That’s pretty good if that doesn’t bother you.”
“You done? Can I get to my concern?”
“Sure. Sorry. Go ahead.”
“How can humans be so smart supposedly, while they single handedly are destroying the Earth?”
“You mean global warming?”
“It’s more than that. It’s the air. It’s the water. It’s the dirt. It’s the forests. It’s the killing. It’s the anger. It’s the hate. It’s the grudges. It’s the fear. It’s everything.”
“Oh come on. You’re being a little dramatic.”
“We don’t know dramatic.”
“Well give me examples of what you mean.”
“First of all, the air is filled with danger. Dogs, cats, birds, animals of all kinds can smell it. It is our biggest topic when we get together.”
“I don’t smell a thing.”
“Yeah, that’s part of the problem. And you can’t taste the troubled water either.”
“Scientists don’t seem to be complaining. So I should be listening to a dog?”
“We have no agenda. Dogs call it as they smell it.”
“ ‘call it as they smell it’; I’m suppose to just accept that?”
“Yeah, there is a lot you should just accept.”
“Oh yeah, like what else?”
“Well, and here is what I think is the crux of the problem, you keep choosing the wrong alpha humans.”
“What?”
“You’ve got this alpha thing all wrong. Just because animals order their packs based on physical size and strength doesn’t make it so for humans. We do it because we are simple. You do it because you are thoughtless. That’s what we, and I think it is fair to say I am speaking for all animals, don’t get. Humans are able to think things through. But they never do. Well, that’s not completely true; some have but they are mocked or marginalized.
An alpha dog barks and gets all puffy, like that wacky shepherd Sarge from around the block. The worst he can do is break out of his electronic fence and charge one of us. But you humans take it up a notch.”
“Can you give me a for instance?”
“God there are so many. Let me see. Okay, you’ve elected a president who pounds his chest and walks around like a gorilla with its arms all out to the side, all tough and all, carrying on with ‘bring it on’. When he jumps the fence, he brings tanks and bombs and humans loaded down in weapons and in body armor. Meanwhile, you have alpha males all over the place, flexing their muscle in their packs, threatening to obtain nuclear weapons, the great equalizer, giving the president one excuse after another to hop the fence. It’s nuts. And I for one am telling you, you’ve got it all wrong.”
“Well, I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t need to say anything. Just start picking the right alpha humans; humans whose visions see beyond fighting, whose hearts hold no grudges, whose thoughts and reasons are not the products of testosterone, whose collective knowledge is rooted in the concept that true peace is never the consequence of war but the outcome of constant learning, negotiating and adjusting.”
“This is what you want to tell me? Nothin’ for nothin’ but it’s a little heavy for a little chat with a dog at 3:30 in the morning.”
“In a nut shell, yeah.”
It was hard to accept this from my beagle. I mean, he’s a dog; a sleeping, eating, sniffing, crapping dog. I was chalking this whole episode up to stress. I was apparently snapping.
“That’s it. I’m pretty much done. Just one last thing while I have the chance.”
“What? World hunger? String theory?” I asked sarcastically.
“You get the right alpha humans and the world hunger thing will take care of itself, smart ass. As far as string theory, who do you think I am, Hawking? I’m just a dog. No it’s more pedestrian than that, something I think you can manage.”
“Then what, already?” I asked impatiently.
“You know that thing you do occasionally where you empty the dish washer in the buff.”
“Ummm … yeah I guess.”
“Put some clothes on. It’s disturbing. I’m beggin’ ya, please!”
“All right, but only if you lick your privates in private.”
“I’ll see what I can do. No promises.”
“So this is it? No more talking? You know we could make a fortune on Letterman with his stupid pet tricks.”
“It’ll never happen. You see, this is a one time deal. Not sure why or how this is happening. Maybe that God guy is involved somehow. All I know is that when it is done, it is …” He abruptly stopped talking.
“Parker?”
Not a grunt. He yawned and as he did he stretched his front legs out and spread across the foot of the bed, his ears resting flat on the blanket.
“Parker … are you done? Is that it?”
He slowly closed his eyes and floated off to sleep.
“Parker … just like that?”
He began to twitch; in hot pursuit of a fox I imagined.
“Holy smokes. I must be dreaming myself.”
I curled back down under the safety of my covers, scratched my butt and thought about the conversation I had just had with Parker or myself or both. I sniffed the air. It smelled fine to me. What the heck was he talking about, ‘danger in the air’? It had to be a dream.
As I drifted off to sleep, I thought about getting a real job real soon, apparently this writing stuff was getting the best of me. I also made a point to remember to talk to the owners of that crazy cairn terrier. I thought it was the least I could do. One can’t be too dismissive of the unexplainable these days.
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No matter how physically healthy or unhealthy you are, if you're a man over the age of forty-five, there is a 50 percent chance you have prostate enlargement. Doctors call it benign prostatic hyperplasia (BPH).
That's right... a 50% chance!
The symptoms of an enlarged prostate are often painful, embarrassing, and frustrating. The most common symptoms are:
* A frequent and often urgent need to urinate * A frustrating inability to completely empty the bladder * A weak urine stream, and painful or bloody urination.
But the most frustrating symptom is the frequent nighttime urge to urinate that results in sleep-disrupting visits to the bathroom.
If you have experienced any of these symptoms, you're not alone. Each year, as many as 12 million American men suffer from symptoms of prostate enlargement http://www.prostatehealthtips.com/prostate-enlargement.html that are so agonizing they are forced to seek medical treatment!
In fact, in America today, four out of five American men are likely to develop prostate problems during their lifetime. And those problems aren't limited to BPH. Prostatitis (inflammation of the prostate) can occur in males of any age after puberty. And, unfortunately, prostate cancer is the most common form of cancer among American males, developed by 19 out of every 100 men.
Yes, the statistics are frightening. According to Michael B. Schachter, M.D. in The Natural Way to a Healthy Prostate, it is estimated that "the prostate gland accounts for more than 5.5 million doctor visits, 950,000 hospitalizations and 43,500 prostate-related deaths a year."
Until recently, your first line of defense against BPH was conventional drugs or surgery, most of which came with a laundry list of horrifying side-effects that include permanent impotence, incontinence, and even death!
The good news is... there are now natural treatments available to treat prostate conditions that are safe, effective alternatives to these conventional prescription drugs or surgery.
But if you suspect you are suffering from prostate problems, the very first thing to do is have your doctor or urologist accurately diagnose your condition.
There are several examinations to detect prostate enlargement and/or other prostate conditions. Some of these methods are referred to by their initials.
Digital Rectal Exam
Digital rectal exam (or DRE) is usually the first test done. And it's just what it says: your doctor inserts a gloved finger into the rectum and feels the part of the prostate next to the rectum. A DRE exam can give a general idea of the size and condition of the gland, but it's not highly reliable in detecting prostate enlargement, since the part of the prostate that presses on the urethra can't be felt by DRE. It is, however, more useful in diagnosing prostatitis or detecting prostate cancer.
PSA Test
These are initials you'll hear tossed around a lot in relation to prostates. They stand for Prostate Specific Antigen, a protein produced by both benign and malignant prostate cells. The PSA test measures the amount of this protein in the blood. Heightened PSA levels can occur in BPH, prostatitis and prostate cancer. The test is not highly reliable, but it is considered to be more useful in detecting prostate cancer than BPH or prostatitis. Nevertheless, it's a part of the alphabet you should be familiar with.
Urinary Flow Rate Measurement
The patient urinates into a special device that measures how quickly urine is flowing. The peak flow rateÑwhen the urine is flowing fastestÑis a more specific indication of BPH than the average rate of flow. Ultrasound This is usually only used if there is a suspicion of prostate cancer. A probe in the rectum directs sound waves at the prostate, and echo patterns of those waves form an image of the prostate on a display screen.
American Urologic Association Symptom Index
The American Urologic Association has developed a symptom index (AUASI) that has become the standard test to assess symptoms of BPH.
This symptom index is a series of questions that help determine the severity of urinary symptoms and is used by urologists around the country.
If you are looking for any more specific information about how to tell if you have an enlarged prostate or what steps you need to take if you do, please feel free to visit our web site.
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It is normal to shed hair every day and the truth is we loose between 100-125 hairs on any given day. Hair that is shed falls out at the end of growth cycle. At any given time 10% of our hair is in what is called a “resting phase” and after 2-3 months resting, hair falls out and new hair grows in its place. Some people, however, experience more hair loss than is normal.
As we get older, both men and women experience some hair loss. It’s a normal part of the aging process. Called Androgenetic Alopecia, it accounts for 95% of all hair loss. Androgentic Alopecia often runs in families and affects some people more than others. In men it is often referred to as Male Pattern Baldness. It is characterized by a receding hair line and baldness on the top of head. Women, on the other hand, don’t go entirely bald even if their hair loss is severe. Instead, hair loss is spread out evenly over their entire scalp.
Hormones play the dominant role when talking about Androgenetic Alopecia. Simple put, both men and women produce testosterone. Testosterone can be converted to dihydrotestosterone (DHT) with the aid of the enzyme 5-alpha-reductase. DHT shrinks hair follicles causing the membranes in the scalp to thicken, become inelastic and restrict blood flow. This causes the hair follicles to atrophy. As a result, when a hair does fall out, it is not replaced.
Needless to say, men produce more testosterone than women and experience more hair loss.
While Androgenetic Alopecia is the number one reason why individuals experience hair loss, it is not the only one. Medical conditions such as hypothyroidism, ringworm and fungal infections can cause hair loss. Certain medications such as blood thinners, gout medication, birth control pills and too much vitamin A can cause sudden or abnormal hair loss as can following a crash diet, sudden hormonal changes, chemotherapy and radiation.
Emotional stress, pregnancy, or surgery can also cause our hair to fall out and is usually not noticed until 3-4 months after the stressful event has taken place. Stress can cause a slowing of new hair growth because a larger number of hair follicles enter into the resting phase and no new hair growth is experienced.
Another way in which individuals experience hair loss is due to mechanical stressors on the hair and scalp. Wearing pigtails, cornrows or tight rollers that end up pull on the hair can scar the scalp and cause permanent hair loss. Hair products such as hot oil treatments and chemicals used for permanents can cause inflammation to the hair follicles which can also result in scarring and hair loss.
Note: Hair loss may be the early warning sign of a more serious disorder such as lupus or diabetes, so it is important to talk to your doctor.
Recommendations For Wellness
If you are taking prescription medications, talk to your doctor and find out if your medication is contributing to your hair loss.
Avoid mega-doses of vitamin A. Too much vitamin A can cause your hair to fall out.
Exercise, do yoga, meditate or find some other practice that will help to reduce your anxiety and stress levels.
If you are a women, have your female hormones tested. If they are imbalanced, talk to your health care provider about bio-identical hormone replacements.
If you wear pigtails, cornrows, use a curling iron, hair dryer or hot rollers, try changing your hair style to one that puts less pressure and stress on your hair and scalp.
If hot oil treatments or chemicals such as those used in permanents are causing inflammation to the scalp, discontinue their use, or reduce the number of times you are using them.
Use gentle shampoos and conditioners to avoid any unnecessary damage to your hair.
In men, herbs such as saw palmetto and licorice root help block the formation of DHT. The same holds true for supplementation with zinc. As an added benefit, studies show that these supplements can also help prevent prostate enlargement.
Massage your scalp with rosemary oil in an olive oil base. Both rosemary oil and massaging the scalp can stimulate the circulation in the scalp and promote hair growth.
Again, if you are experiencing hair loss, check with your doctor to ensure that a more serious disorder isn’t the cause.
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The resent passing of another HIV (Human immunodeficiency virus) testing awareness day this summer made me think about some of my old clients. I was a state certified HIV test counselor for the state of Michigan at the agency where I worked. This meant that I administered HIV tests for those people who believed that they may have been put at risk for contracting HIV, the virus that causes AIDS. This was a stressful job, and some days, down right awful. The awful days, as you can imagine, were the ones when I had to tell a client that they had tested positive for the HIV antibodies. Thankfully, I only had to tell a few people, but those few individuals are forever carved into my mind. I will never forget them or the day that I had to tell them that they most likely were infected with a life altering infection. These people were young, old, and middle aged. They were people not unlike me. Hard working, dedicated to family, goal oriented, future driven. They were beautiful people that are going through life with an ugly, incurable illness. Unfortunately for me, since these individuals tested anonymously, I will never know their true identities and will probably never know how they are and if they are living healthy productive lives, or suffering and alone.
Guess what? You could be infected. You could be at risk. You should be one of those clients that walks into an office and asks to be tested. HIV doesn’t discriminate. It doesn’t care if you are rich or poor. If you are male or female. Gay or straight. It doesn’t care how old you are. We have babies in this country still being born with the virus because moms don’t know they are infected. Parents and grandparents are increasingly being diagnosed with HIV. Yes, you need to know that your mom and dad or grandmom and grandpa still have sex. They still can potentially be infected if they are involved with someone sexually that has the virus. HIV is still out there. It is still killing people. We do not know yet how to stop it. Doctors and researchers are developing new ways all the time to slow it down, limit its effects on people’s lives, but we are no where near eliminating it from our world.
I have been working with educating about HIV for around 20 years. I am sad and horrified to look at the statistics and see that we are no better off now than we were 20 years ago. The numbers keep rising. There is much in the news about HIV/AIDS rates in Africa and other countries, but I want to remind people that in your own backyard, HIV is still raging. We need to remind people that there are safer ways to behave, to reduce the risk of the infection spreading. The best way to reduce the risk of spreading HIV is to know your own status. There are testing sites available in your state. Get a test. They only take a short time to administer, and usually you can do it without giving blood. You can, in many cases, do it anonymously. Testing is the only way that you will know if you are infected. The earlier the diagnosis, the better the prognosis. Don’t assume you only associate with non-risky people. You can’t possibly know. Ask anyone who has HIV.
As a society, we need to become more comfortable with talking about uncomfortable topics. We need to talk to potential partners. We need to talk to our doctors. We need to talk to our friends. I remember thinking when I was a teenager that I wanted to be just like Dr. Ruth Westheimer when I grew up. She was so great about telling it like it was. She called a penis a penis and was proud to do so. I admired that in a time when people didn’t talk to teens about sex, she was willing to. Today, we seem to only talk to teens. We stop talking once that teen grows up. They has become very apparent due to the increasing number of adults over the age of 50 who are becoming infected. So now I am talking. The lessons are fairly simple. Know your HIV status. Know the infectious disease status of your sex partner, or don’t have sex. Use a condom. Don’t share needles if you are using drugs. If it isn’t possible to refuse every time, do it some of the time. Every time you think about your health and act positively for it, you reduce your risk and add another day to the fight against this illness. Find support. There are many wonderful agencies in communities across this country that offer education, help, and the things you need to live a safer life. Everyone has their own story and their own reason not to live safely. These agencies have been trained to help each individual create their own specific plan of action.
There are some people who feel that the drugs are available, so it is worth the risk. Certainly we risk getting the flu or infections by going out into the general public with the understanding that there are medications available to make us better if we get sick. So why is HIV different? One reason is that the drugs are expensive. Many people don’t have the insurance coverage to help pay for them, and even if they do, some drugs are hard to come by in certain areas. Secondly, the side effects for many of these drugs are brutal. I know people living with the virus who have chosen to deal with the disease rather than be restricted by the drugs. Another reason is that when you get Strep throat, you take an antibiotic for 10 days and you are done with that medication and that infection. If you get infected with HIV, you take medication for the rest of your life, with the added stress that if you forget to take it to often, it may become ineffective for you, all the while knowing that you never are going to be free of HIV.
It is as simple and straightforward as all that. Dr. Ruth couldn’t say it plainer. HIV can’t just be thought about on testing days or awareness days. It needs to be thought about, talked about, and dealt with daily. It needs to have people like you and me to continue to fight the fight for comprehensive sexuality education. To continue to educate everyone about what HIV is about and who it affects. We need to talk equally to young and old alike about the risks that they take with their lives. And mostly we need to not forget those that have died and continue to be infected and affected by a disease that is so easy to prevent. I know that I will always think about my clients and will pray that they are living happy healthy lives.
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They say that nature gives with one hand and takes away with the other. Many men have brains that help them land big jobs, discover amazing things or start their own companies and make fortunes. However, these amazing brains tend to come bundled with less than satisfactory penises. In fact, a lot of men have to cope with this type of trade off and are forced to face life with small penises that are bound to make things difficult later on.
For this reason, men turn to penis enlargement techniques to supplement or offset the stinginess of nature and to improve their lives. But penis enlargement is a wide and wild territory that may not be all that friendly to new users. It is very important for any man to find the right penis enlargement program or product. It doesn’t really matter what you’re using, but it must be something that works properly. There is no reason to spend time and money on products that are either worthless or hazardous.
Among the traps that lie in wait for the unwary penis enlargement seeker is the risk of incorrect enlargement. Most men think that any kind of penis enlargement is good. Heck, what can be wrong about a little gain here and there? Well, it’s not that simple. Penis enlargement has to be done correctly and uniformly regardless of the product you’re using. There’s simply no other way. Adding just a bit of girth, mostly on one side, or increasing the length a bit, at the expense of some burst blood vessels is never a good idea.
Whether you’re into traction devices, penis exercises or enlargement pills, you always have to look for certain signs that prove the seller’s good faith and quality standards. First and foremost you should look for a money back guarantee. If the product advertised on the website is a quality product then the vendor shouldn’t have any problem offering a generous money back guarantee. Beware of vendors who leave you only a small product return window. This is usually a sign that something’s not right.
Second comes full time customer support. This is the best way you can tell if the product is sold by a full blown company or just some guy with a computer who stays at home and couldn’t care less if the product worked or not. What you need is full time customer service which can answer any of your questions. The quality of website design is also a sign of how much money and care went into the product. Avoid cheap looking websites.
Third comes customer forums. If a vendor has an effective product to sell, he won’t mind customers discussing their experiences online. Customer forums are a great way of getting in touch directly with men who have already tried various products and can give you a first hand account. This goes hand in hand with the information featured on the website. The more information about the product (not just beating around a distant bush), the better. If the vendor is not shy to talk about the product then he probably has nothing to hide.
Fourth comes medical endorsements. These are priceless. If an M.D. is willing to put his professional reputation behind a product, this means that the product in question is worth buying. If the website also features customer testimonials then your search for a quality PE product is over and you have a winner. You can also look for bonuses handed out by the vendor to good customers. Bonuses are something like extra icing on a very good cake and further proof that the vendor knows the value of big spending customers.
So there you have it. The five things that make the difference between a good penis enlargement solution and a bad one that you should avoid like plague. It’s not simple to tell a good thing from a scam, but it’s not very hard either. Be careful.
